successive names spelled 18teen an indecent word for coitus--a word
known to 18teen almost every Anglo-Saxon child, I fear. L. laughed, but
gave no sign of assent. For a neighboring girl of 15 I felt such
a drawing that early in the morning I 18teen would roll 18teen on the floor
with my erect organ in my hand in riotous imagining of coitus
with 18teen her. I walked with her in the woods and sat at her feet, but
although I felt instinctively that she would satisfy me without
much persuasion, yet I
18teen _could not_ ask her. One 18teen night I 18teen started
to church in order to walk home with her, and lead her (if
possible) to a field where we might gratify ourselves (I picked
out the exact grassy spot where 18teen we might lie); but when I 18teen was
almost at the church door my "moral sense& 18teen quot; (if
that is what it
was) rose and dragged me home again.
During the swimming hour I watched the
genitals of the boys,
comparing them carefully in the most minute details. 18teen circumcised
organs affected me as being 18teen disagreeable, 18teen and men's 18teen hairy, coarse
genitals I abhorred.
18teen when 13 I became 18teen acquainted with the new mail-boy at the inn. He
was a city "street-boy," and got me into smoking cigarettes
occasionally. I did not definitely take up smoking until I was
16. He told me that a mason once offered him ten cents if he
would masturbate the man in a cellar. The boy said that he
refused. I slept a few times with an ill-favored boy of fine
parentage. He was of my own age, and I had played with him in a
natural way for several years, 18teen but my
increasing sexual desires
led me to mutually masturbate with him, and even unsuccessfully
to attempt with him mutual pæ18teen dicatio. On the 18teen morning after our
nights of sensuality I felt "gone" and miserable, but not
repentant. By afternoon I was myself again. My relations with G.
were purely animal, for 18teen I disliked his jealous disposition, his